you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
