I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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