im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
