It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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