The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
