wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
