I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
