its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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