Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize