The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
