wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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