It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
