I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
