I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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