Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
