I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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