How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
sarcasm needs its own font
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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