Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
birth control should be required to get into college
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
