Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
where are my eyebrows?
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