She said her name was "party"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
