It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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