Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
