I smell stomach acid.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
