Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
