Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
