Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
