is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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