I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
