I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
