So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize