You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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