how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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