my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
