eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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