so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
