Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
