a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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