we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
