Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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