So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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