Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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