my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize