Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
