She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
