please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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