hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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