***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
