i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
