I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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