i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
