You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
