It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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