apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
