have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
