Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
