Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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