He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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