so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
