i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
