Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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