Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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