got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
