i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
