matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
