Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
