I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize