I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
