im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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