ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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