my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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