I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
