i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
