he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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