I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
