i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
