i already hear my dad disowning me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
